Tuesday, 23 December 2008

Final Clarke & Dawe for 2008

19/12/2008 - Final Clarke & Dawe for 2008.

Read the transcript

Monday, 15 December 2008

Iraqi journalist hurls shoes at 'dog' Bush

This has to be the news story of the week!

An irate journalist threw his shoes at President Bush at a news conference held in Nuri El-Maliki's office. Shouting "Here's a farewell kiss, you dog!" as he threw, the assailant went down like a Saddam Hussein statue under the weight of the other journos and the security personnel jumping on top of him.

Iraqi journalist hurls shoes at 'dog' Bush | theage.com.au

Monday, 8 December 2008

Clarke & Dawe tiptoe around the recession

04/12/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe tiptoe around the reccession.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Wish List

I just had to put these Harmon-Kardon GLA-55 speakers here. They look like cut glass or crystal.

A bit of PC bling for Christmas?

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Goodbye Constance E. Little

Constance E. Little from Eagle Point has been a regular contributor to the Letters pages of The Age for more years than I know.

Her short letters are always an interesting point of view and give the readers the benefit of her 90 years accumulated wisdom.

In today's paper, she announced that we wouldn't be hearing from her any more.

Monday, 24 November 2008

Media Watch - Holy Cow

Why is it that even respected media outlets - like The Age - stoop to this.

The story is that a truckload of cattle escaped on the Tullamarine Freeway in Melbourne from their overturned semi-trailer.

The Age story is OK, except for calling the cattle "cows". The pictures all show bulls as far as I can see. Not an udder to be found, so they're not cows.

And the text behind the pictures is udderly ridiculous and may moove a three year old to fits of laughter.


Friday, 21 November 2008

Bloody cricket

It's that time of year again. Time for my annual lament that ABC Local Radio and a huge proportion of TV time is taken over by the coverage of cricket. It's as boring as batshit to watch and listening to it just seems pointless.

There are plenty of commercial radio stations in the sports niche. Why can't the ABC leave it to them and stop interrupting normal broadcasting schedules to make way for the cricket.

With regard to television, hopefully, with digital TV, Channel 9 will have the sense to broadcast the cricket on one of it's channels and leave the rest for normal programming.... as crap as that is on Channel 9 these days. See 20 to 1.

Clarke & Dawe reflect on the Howard Years

Clarke & Dawe reflect on the Howard Years

20/11/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe reflect on the Howard Years.
Read the transcript.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Rudd's Conversation with GWB

Senator Fielding really needs to get a life if he thinks that a Senate inquiry is required over the fact that the PM had a conversation with George W. Bush which exposed Bush as ignorant about what the G20 was.

We've all known for at least 8 years that Bush is not quite up to par when it comes to Presidential intelligence, we don't need a Senate inquiry to delve into the matter.

Senator Fielding should be thanking God that he got his cushy 2 term stint in the Senate by accident, because I sincerly doubt that he'll get back in next time.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Change overnight

It was like everything changed yesterday. Obama won the US election and it was palpable. You could feel the world's attitude towards America shift from overwhelmingly negative to it's polar opposite - admiration, respect, relief and brotherhood.

Welcome back America. Well done!

Friday, 31 October 2008

Palin's Visit to SNL

Here she is... Sarah Palin biting the bullet and realising that if she can't beat 'em, she'd better join 'em.

Clarke and Dawe on the economy and Bush's last two weeks in office

30/10/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe's prognosis for the Australian economy.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

23/10/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe reflect on President George W Bush's final fortnight in office.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Clarke & Dawe in the financial hot seat

16/10/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe in the financial hot seat with Treasurer Wayne Swan.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Political Preferences

I know it's a bit late to comment on this, but...

The Government would have had a much easier time getting it's Medicare Levy Surcharge changes through the Senate if they directed preferences in Victoria to The Greens ahead of Family First in the 2004 election.

The stupid decision to give preferences to Family First in an attempt to beat The Greens to a senate quota have come back to bite them on the you know where.

It's my opinion that the ALP should always direct preferences to The Greens because their philosophy is closer to Labor's than the other minor parties... especially Family First.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Obama's Power of Change

Obama's Power of Change seems unstoppable - even getting Sarah Palin on board.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Clarke & Dawe on President Bush's bad week

09/10/2008 - Clarke and Dawe discuss a bad week with President Bush.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

A Danish Utopia - Left/Right Consensus

Scandinavians have always seemed to me to be eminently sensible and practical. See Volvo, Ikea, The Danish Royal Family.

Tim Colbatch writes in The Age about the Danish left-right consensus, where business, unions and government share some basic principles - and everybody benefits as individuals and as a society.

Why can't we be more like that?

Sunday, 12 October 2008

US Kath and Kim

I was going to bang on about how bad the US version of Kath and Kim is, but Guy Rundle says it better anyway at The Age.

Kath and Kim was never going to translate. It is intrinsically Australian and the US version doesn't even attempt to parody the American equivalents of the Australian idiosyncrasies that the original version did so well.

I'm not saying that Americans don't get irony - that's a patently stupid statement that's often levelled at them - and they make some great comedies. It's just that this one stinks.

Here's a montage of the original... funny

and the US version... unfunny.


Why does Julie Bishop still have that snarl on her face that says "I can't believe we lost the last election" almost a year after that glorious day?

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Keating! The Musical

I am liking Keating! The Musical more and more, the more I hear the songs from it.

I got a copy of the soundtrack for Christmas last year and loved the songs. Then finally saw the show on ABC2 a couple of months ago. It really grew on me then.

It was great to see some of the names behind the characters - especially seeing how well Cheryl Kernot took being parodied... "my heart's in peril, Cheryl"...

Alexander Downer and John Howard were fantastic too. Howard's "Mateship" is brilliant and sums up the whole sorry mess really.

It's also great to hear Libby Gore playing some of the songs on 774ABC too. Imaging playing them this time last year. The shrill cries from the Libs about bias at the ABC would have muzzled that little exercise of free speach.

Here's "Mateship":

Monday, 29 September 2008

Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live

Here's an hilarious clip from SNL.

Katie Couric interviews Sarah Palin... adorable.

Sunday, 28 September 2008


After watching Malcolm Turnbull on Q&A, I have to say he is the only senior Liberal that I like and the only Liberal I could live with as PM if it were to come to pass.

Friday, 26 September 2008

A bit of Shatnerian Brilliance

It Hasn't Happened Yet - performed live by William Shatner.

I heard this one morning when Red Symons played it on ABC774. Thanks Red.

... and a better version with Ben Folds.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Bizarre Public Toilet

This unusual public toilet is built from glass. You can see out when you are inside, but can't see in from the outside.

It would seem quite wierd to use I'm sure.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Tribal Politics

Why is it that people argue about politics and the choices thrown up by political parties at election time?

It's an almost pointless exercise isn't it?

For example, someone could point out ugly and irrefutable facts about one side's candidate, but the die hard supporters of that side couldn't give a shit. They will still vote for their man/woman.

The US elections are a case in point. There are huge numbers of people who will not vote for Obama because he's a Democrat, or black, or too liberal - despite the fact that McCain might die in office and Palin would be thrust into the White House by default. On the other side, most Democrat voters would vote for whoever their party put forward - whether it's Obama or Clinton or anyone else.

Argument over who is best to lead the country is pointless. Let's face it - all the candidates are talented, worthy people. It's who each "tribe" identifies with the most who will get their votes.

All that said - I don't see why people seem to be in love with Sarah Palin. She seems way too inexperienced and provincial to be the President-in-waiting.

Friday, 19 September 2008

Clarke & Dawe on Turnbull and Costello

Clarke, Dawe and the new Opposition Leader

18/09/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe and the new Opposition Leader, Malcolm Turnbull.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Clarke and Dawe satire

11/09/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe take on Peter Costello and his soon to be released memoir.

Video: Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

The art of persuasion

LBJ had it...


Peak Energy

Noticed in Blogs of Note: Peak Energy



I thought it appropriate after seeing the devestation wrought by Hurricane Ike in Galveston.

Here's the original black and white video of Glen Campbell's Galveston.


Nelson out, Turnbull in.

LOL. Who'd have thought that would happen??

Monday, 15 September 2008


After months of a court imposed ban, Underbelly finally screened on TV in Victoria last night.

Due to legal reasons, Victorians were only allowed to see an edited version, with one of the major characters in the first installment appearing with a pixellated face in one scene. Strangely, the same character appeared later, at the funeral unpixellated.

I won't name them here, due to the same legal reasons Channel 9 are using.

Aside from that, Underbelly is a fantastic series. Absolutely the best crime show ever. It helps that it's largely based on fact and real characters.

The next season is confirmed as a prequel. Wikipedia states that it will be based on Vince Colosimo's Alphonse Gangitano character, but in an interview on 774 the other day, I heard that it will focus on Abe Saffron and the marijuana trade in Sydney in the 1970's. Can't wait to see it - whichever it is.

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Very Small Business

I've really been enjoying Very Small Business.

Hilariously funny and very real...



I don't want to go to work tonight. It's such a nice day, and I'm enjoying just relaxing in the spring warmth. The thought of going to work is really grating...

Ah well, that's life!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Five Funny Sexist Jokes

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume,

Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: 'You're next, fatty.'


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.'

Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.'

Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep'


A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, 'What are you doing?'

She answers, 'I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.'

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year'.


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.'


Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset. She told him 'Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 10seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE.'

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.

Friday, 29 August 2008

Media Gripes

I don't want to sound like a pedant, but these these things have been irritating me when heard in the media lately.

  1. People saying "in regard to".... I always thought it was "with regard to".
  2. The Olympics were an event where there was great "comraderie" between the athletes. Isn't it "camaraderie"?
  3. If I hear another traffic reporter tell me about the "Princess" Highway rather than the "Princes" I'll scream.
  4. It's "Western Australia". There is no state called "West Australia". All the media is guilty here, even the venerable ABC.

That'll do for now... I've vented.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Customer Service Drama with 3 Mobile

I just had a really frustrating customer service experience with 3 Mobile.

About a month ago, I attempted to download a simple solitaire game from the Planet 3 service on my phone. It started out easy enough.. I found the game in the site, selected it and hit the download button. After a few minutes of slowly downloading, an error message appeared, saying that the connection had timed out and asked me to "Try Again".. which I did. Little did I know, each time I tried again, as suggested, my account was billed another $7. Eventually, after three attempts, my prepaid account was empty. So, I called the 3 Mobile Customer Care centre to report the problem and get a refund for the failed downloads. All fine so far - or so I thought.

The tech support guy who answered my call in far away India tried his best, but refused to credit my account. Apparently I would need to recharge my account first, so we could download the game together as part of their troubleshooting process. I objected to this, as I had only just recharged, and believed that there was already a prima-facie case for an immediate refund. Not so apparently! A few heated words and "for God's sakes" later, I hung up in frustration and let it lie for a while.

Today, having gotten sick of not having use of my phone, I recharged my account and called the Customer "Care" team back again. This time, when we restarted the "troubleshooting" process, the download worked.... and charged me another $7 of course... fair enough.

So now to the business of the refund for the failed attempts.... remember, so far, I've paid four times and only got the product once - so you'd think, that I would get a no questions asked refund of $21. Wouldn't you?

Well according to the Customer Care person, 3 would like to offer me a $10 goodwill credit. $10! I said "No, $21. It has to be $21... you can't just steal from your customers like that when your product fails to work."... off she went to consult with her team leader and came back with a further offer of $15. Getting better, but still ridiculously short of the $21 I am entitled to. Eventually, after being questioned about why I didn't report it sooner - as if, immediately after it happened wasn't soon enough, I asked her to escalate the call to a manager.

The manager was much more understanding and on hearing the story, immediately agreed to the $21 refund. I'm happy again - although the credit still doesn't appear on my account - we'll see.

It just makes me wonder how much they've managed to rip off people who aren't willing or able to insist that the right thing be done by them.

Does anyone else have a telecoms horror story to share?

iPhone Girl

The iPhone Girl phenomenon...


Monday, 18 August 2008

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Monday, 4 August 2008

It's Lovely I'll Take It!

Fun Blog of Note featuring unfortunate photos from real estate listings.


Sunday, 3 August 2008

Clarke and Dawe and the ups and downs of Opposition

Clarke and Dawe and the ups and downs of Opposition

31/07/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe and the ups and downs of Opposition.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Wonder Woman theme..

In your satin tights.... fighting for your rights.... in the old red white and blue....

I was reminded how camp this old theme from the '70's actually was and thought I'd better post it.

Monday, 14 July 2008

2 Weeks of Clarke & Dawe

10/07/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe on Premier Iemma's problematic party.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Clarke and Dawe and Downer's spectacular career

03/07/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe reflect on Alexander Downer's career before he takes up his position in Cyprus.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

First pics of Keith and Nicole's Baby

Introducing Sunday Roast Kidman-Urban/Urban-Kidman... She looks scrumptious!

Wednesday, 2 July 2008


Is it just me, or is Big Brother meaner and nastier this year? Not only are Vile and Skanky Ho offering up their unkind opinions of the housemates, but Rebecca Wilson on Big Mouth was out right rude to Terrence this week.

Even the official forum is showing that the viewers were turned off by her attitude.

Gretel Killeen at least made an attempt to be nice to the evictees.

I think that in changing the hosts this year, the producers have signed the death-knell for this franchise.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Clarke and Dawe - 2 weeks worth

Clarke and Dawe on Nelson's prospering popularity

12/06/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe on Brendan Nelson's recent rise in popularity in the polls.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Clarke and Dawe and a tale of two economies

05/06/2008 - Clarke and Dawe and a tale of two economies.

Video: Real Media (hi) Real Media (lo) Windows Media (hi) Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Great Kindle Review

A great review of the Amazon Kindle. I've been looking for a good review of this from somewhere other than the Amazon website.

The blog this comes from is a Blog of Note in Blogger today.

collapsing geography: a new toy: the amazon kindle

Friday, 6 June 2008

Thursday, 5 June 2008


Taxis in Melbourne come under a lot of scrutiny. The public at large is dissatisfied with the industry as a whole, as I'm sure are the drivers and owners and operators.

The public complain of dirty taxis driven by taxi drivers who don't know where they're going and who "can't speak English" and rip them off.

The drivers must be very disappointed when they look at their take home pay (average $7 -8 an hour - less GST). They have put up with an ungrateful, rude, sometimes racist, drunk, fare-dodging travelling public for appallingly low pay working all hours of the day and night.

The operators must cringe when they open their fuel bills to see their meagre profits shrinking.

The solutions seem simple...

  1. Clean the cabs
  2. Fix the perception of the public regarding driver standards. ie. recognise that low pay = low motivation. The fare is on the meter - how can they rip you off?
  3. Raise the fares so the drivers can live off their earnings and the operators can pay the bills and make some money too.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Friday, 25 April 2008

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Lefties miss Howard

Catherine Deveney hits the nail right on the head. We miss Howard because he's not there to despise anymore.

Lefties miss Howard - Opinion - theage.com.au

Monday, 21 April 2008

Rattlin' Bones

This new Kasey Chambers and Shane Nicholson duet is fantastic. It reminds me of Kentuckyan and West Virginian mountain country music.

Friday, 18 April 2008

Clarke and Dawe with the final word on the week

Clarke and Dawe with the final word on the week

One of the funniest yet. Clarke captures Brendan Nelson perfectly.

17/04/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe with the final word on the week.

Video: Real Media (hi) | Real Media (lo) | Windows Media (hi) | Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Thursday, 17 April 2008

Control Freak?

You Are 44% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order.

However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Friday, 11 April 2008

Clarke and Dawe go global with Rudd

Clarke and Dawe go global with Rudd

10/04/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe on Rudd's international tour.

Video: Real Media (hi) | Real Media (lo) | Windows Media (hi) | Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Rudd speaks his mind

It's a source of pride for me as an Australian that Prime Minister Rudd has spoken so openly in China (and in Mandarin for that matter) about the ongoing human rights abuses in Tibet. It will only be when world leaders stand up to the tyrannical Chinese Government that we will see change beginning in Tibet.

He wasn't bowed by Chinese official protests and spoke to the Chinese people directly at Peking University, allowing them to hear what the world thinks without the official government filter applied.

Congratulations Mr Rudd.

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

Gosper out of touch

Kevan Gosper's comments about the pro-Tibetan protesters is seriously misinformed and ignorant.

He said in Beijing... "These spoilers, these professional spoilers, don't think about this. They are just filled with resentment and hate. They just take their hate out on whatever the issues are at the time, and that hate against the host country is being taken out on our torch."

These comments illustrate why he should keep his mouth shut. John Coates' comments on the other hand were far more balanced and in tune with the Australian view. Gosper sounds like a mouthpiece for the Chinese Communist Party (with ill-fitting dentures).

Tuesday, 8 April 2008


The Olympic Torch Relay has been disrupted by protests against Chinese aggression in Tibet. Awarding The Olympics to China was supposed to open them up and bring them towards the modern world. So far, it's exposed China as a totalitarian state that abuses its own people.

We all know that there is no freedom of speech in China. The torch relay is an ideal opportunity for Tibetans and their supporters to protest against China's presence in Tibet and the human rights abuses it carries out there.

Once the Games begin, there will be no opportunity to protest within China itself, so it's left to those around the world - in free countries to protest on their behalf. The "protest zones" to be set up in Beijing seem to be an attempt by China to appear tolerant of protest. They will be highly regulated and the Chinese that take part will be under immense scrutiny. I can only imagine what will happen to them after the Games are over.

Monday, 7 April 2008

Wonder Cream

An amazing ointment and a fine example of Engrish!

Click on the picture to enlarge if you can't read it.

Rudd on the world stage

How refreshing it is to see an Australian Prime Minister on a world tour without cringing from embarrassment and shame.

Rudd's friendly, smiling face contrasts nicely with Howard's old fogey grimace.

Kevin Rudd and Therese Rein in Kent, UK.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Non! Eiffel Tower to be redesigned.

Is it really necessary to tamper with the world's most famous silhouette?

The Eiffel Tower is perfect the way it is. The new observation deck does look in keeping with the original and isn't of itself a travesty though. While I don't think it's required, at least it's good design.

Monumental change for Paris skyline - Travel - theage.com.au

Monday, 24 March 2008

Clarke & Dawe times 2

John Clarke and on the other hand, Bryan Dawe

20/03/2008 - John Clarke and on the other hand, Bryan Dawe

Video: Real Media (hi) | Real Media (lo) | Windows Media (hi) | Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Clarke and Dawe: the comic duo you can bank on

13/03/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe: the comic duo you can bank on.

Video: Real Media (hi) | Real Media (lo) | Windows Media (hi) | Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

A man walks into a bar ... ouch!

50 gags from some of the comedians at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

I spewed up alphabet soup once and it spelt “carrots”.
Anh Do, Live

A man walks into a bar ... ouch! - Arts - Entertainment - theage.com.au

Saturday, 1 March 2008

Clarke & Dawe on the RBA

Clarke & Dawe on the RBA

28/02/2008 - John Clarke and Bryan Dawe with their take on the inner workings of the Reserve Bank.

Video: Real Media (hi) | Real Media (lo) | Windows Media (hi) | Windows Media (lo)

Read the transcript.

Just 2

I have just two complaints about the ABC.

1. The new watermark. It's too big, has too much colour (both ABC1 and ABC2), isn't transparent enough, and is just too distracting.

2. Cricket on ABC Local Radio. I hate getting in the car expecting to hear Richard Stubbs or Lindy Burns only to be confronted with the prospect of hours of cricket taking over 774's regular programming. For me it means hours of poor reception on NewsRadio. I can't stand commercial radio. The ads and the usually inane and or reactionary presenters on the talk stations and ads galore on the music stations. Why can't the cricket be on Radio National, thereby only putting the 2 - 4% who listen to it out instead of the much larger Local Radio audience?